Snowball

A ball in vacuum is rolling down my thoughts

Devoid of feelings true to me

The unknown arrow aimed to doom my pulpy red to pieces

Arising out of this time-burst is all set to blow

Voices quiver as it is looming large deep down

But none to hear

Ignoring it, myself, the voices fueled to grow louder

How long will the cotton ear buds of my soul bear

For it is going to burn or all set to tear

An irreparable damage to the thin consciousness

Holes dug deep, life, my own coffin

I am slipping everyday one step at a time

I am drawn to it for it is mine

Gasping for air I suck the whiff of air

That cares to breeze past me

With every breath I am sucking death

Another day to live till I am relieved of this guilty burden born with

Tears roll down dropping into an endless ocean

Mingling with the world’s, but the colors are different

For the tears take the color of emotions

Held behind those shutters in a lament

Darkness around bordered by the bloody red fringes

All forms in front enacting a drama

Puppets dancing to tunes

As their strings are pulled to narrate a story

A story not what they want to tell

But what the world wants to listen.

Caring about the whole world

Ignoring the world within

Silencing the voices shouting loud enough to hear

Insulting them for the world

With time world insults you

Nowhere else to go, the path leads you within

To those very voices now tired and sick

But not dead yet

The strength lies there---yes deep down

Not outside---remember---its within.

No support, no one on your bedside if you have been a hypocrite

Whom are you living with when not with you?

Who is guiding you, who is pulling your stings, whose puppet are you?

Whose tunes are you dancing to? Listen to the music your soul sings to you each day

Yes Monday to Sunday

The truth lies in those voices for they never betray you

They are never weak

As the strength lies there to face the world

The all powerful and yet sublime resides there

It is no strange abode it is your own heart where your god lives.

Under His shelter, under His eyes

Your liberations lies

The true self pure and clear

The only place where there is no fear.

The world is a miniscule

In front of the largeness of ones heart

Listen to it if you want to listen to Him,

For, He speaks the language of love to you, through your own heart.

Life by the Darkness!

I dreaded coming into to this world. I teased, I spoke ill about it, and I complemented myself for not entering it, though deep down a voice warned me that I could reach the same place. As fate would have it and justified by karma I landed in a night shift job. It contained everything a job offered to a gaping job seeker; blinding me within the wrap of night shifts.

Training went smooth for it was designed to gradually convert our nights to working days. To train our eyelids to hold up to tube lights instead of sunlight. Our taste buds were enticed to new flavors, and soft drinks in varied colors were gulped down with utmost joy. The reason--- anything that comes free (or so we assume) goes down the throat with the most satisfied smile and with the proud eye brows raised high.

Training passed by and we passed out in ecstasy in the training rooms, dancing to glory reminding ourselves of the golden words by all our seniors-- “Training is honeymoon period” they had told us. They were so right. As always, we realize only when reality strikes and blinds us. My first day on the floor was nerve racking. But nothing angered me more than going home at eight in the morning. The whole world seemed to be moving in the reverse direction. Or actually was it me? I was confused. Children were scurrying to schools, men and women rushing to office, all such mundane tasks seemed unusual to me, rather special now.

A feeling of desperateness and anger drowned me in total confusion and disorientation. I wanted to change everything, wanted people to go to sleep now as I had worked and was heading back home so should they, or at least wanted to go back and strike out from my mind that I finished work. I was going mad. Feeling totally helpless I just sat in the cab---the white horse taking me back home ----back in time. In a topsy turvy world of mine I was the only joke to be laughed at, and I was indeed. I saw everyone around me smiling trying hard to keep their laughter locked behind their lips, with an expression reminding of the days I laughed at them.
I tried to hide my face, but how could I? As I was walking backwards facing all of them eye to eye and time would not let me turn back and walk with them.

I reach home almost in a daze, to see my maid drawing beautiful rangoli’s in the front yard, my dad was at the door with a warm smile wishing me good morning, my breakfast was ready and so was my bed. For a moment I thought there are some good things too. Well at least there was one thing that I did at the right time for the day --- I brushed my teeth. Had my breakfast and slurped down the milk and was off to my bed to finally bring down those eye lids for the day.

I woke up in the evening hoping it was all a dream but the white horse was back to carry me off to the distant land where time runs backwards and a make belief world awaits the next victim. A world where you can never see a moon rise or a sun set, looking out of a window you only see another window, where trees come in pots and sit under your shadow, fragrances all around that irritate your senses, and tube lights everywhere so that you are never reminded that day ever exists.

A different world it is, it pleases some, hurts some, but blinds all. This is the world which beckons your senses. On a positive note : only when you experience something unusual do we know the value of the usual, only then do we realize that nothing in this world is mundane everything is special in its own way. That’s what I realized.